I was eventually invited to move from being a SoulFullHeart Facilitant to become a Facilitator of this work and was offered to become an Apprentice Facilitator by Jelelle as there was interest expressed in sessions by people who are not fluent enough in English and need a German/language or cultural bridge. Yet, also, because it felt like it was time in my process and the embodiment of the process/lifestyle after all these years of applying it inside and out is there too. I was invited to step into my bigness, soul purpose and leadership.
 

I didn‘t have a reaction to this at all when she first asked me how I would feel about it and I actually felt very calm, centered and that it was time to step up and claim my next place of service, growth and my hard earned bigness and also to move from receiving to giving back and sharing what I had learned and how it served and changed me. That was a sign for me that the timing was right for this.
 

Then, the time came and I got my first two facilitants and sessions and I had major rumbles happening inside of myself that wreaked havoc in my entire being and soul. The themes have been mainly not being good/advanced/knowledgeable enough which has felt extremely disempowering, crippling even. I had been experiencing a heightened state of reactivity, perfectionism and a core unworthiness being pushed up and dominating my experience of life and I feeling like I wasn‘t able to access and feel my heart either.
 

I felt a block of my intuitions, my mental clarity and ability to make intuitive connections and of my clairs and overall spiritual and emotional capacity. I could feel a suction and seducing into 3D money earning vs. moving into soul purpose and an activation of the lower 4D matrix within myself as well, bleeding through with abduction memories accompanied by feelings of panic & terror and migraines. It was all a big quagmire of reactions, blocks, waves of self-doubt, inner fusions/enhancement of trauma-bonds between parts, a feeling of being lost, confused and hopeless and a thick blanket of forgetfulness/amnesia put on top of it all.
 

At the same time, I was also realizing and feeling that the 'old' ways didn‘t work for me any more either and haven‘t for a while. The independent freelance online teaching job that has been so empowering and freedom-giving, financially and personally, that comes as little 3D anchored as possible and has allowed me to build a life that is very sovereign and abundant in many ways, yet ultimately isn‘t fulfilling my heart or soul and is not my purpose this life.
 

This leadership activation moved me into deeper layers of mourning and grieving the old ways and bits and pieces of the old world that I had lived in for so long this life that haven‘t been grieved before and now needed to be felt in order to move on and up. I started feeling too that there was a big part inside of me that does not yet believe in a world that is not a hell. That part has unplugged from the 3D and lower 4D matrix significantly, yet hasn't quite turned the corner on actually being settled and home in an inner heaven and I could feel there's still more unplugging left to do.
 

That felt like one deep source of all those reactions and blocks I had experienced. That explained the resistance to announcing my facilitation offer, to even feel into it for myself and what and who I can and want to serve and to out myself more through writings and videos. If that is the fear of part of me, then it will do everything to keep me from stepping into my bigness and carrying this healing offer into the world because this work has the capacity to move you from hell to heaven.

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I have come to realize that one of the antidotes to being afraid to step into your own bigness is to feel your own true desires and intentions. That is what has the capacity to pierce through thick veils of suffering like that, and claiming those desires over and over again, along with your bigness of heart and soul. Yet, make no mistake, you will be tested on those! You will have to fight through thick layers of crazy-making self-doubt, self-judgment and self-punishment, over and over again, and claim your power and bigness of heart and soul over and over and over again.

 

Recognizing strategy after strategy and realizing, yes, this part IS doing that, even if it wants to keep you in the dark and self-doubt about that too. But then also realizing it is done out of a deep fear and to have compassion for that yet it can also have tones of not caring for you and your parts and they need your protection, especially the younger ones.Finding a balance between setting boundaries, compassion and truth finding and telling with that aspect has been the way to navigate this for me.
 

Another antidote has been sharing my heart with my close circle of beloveds that I live in close proximity to here in SoulFullHeart community whenever I felt to retract or when self-doubt was eating me alive. The reflections/mirrors of my bigness and value and appreciation for me and my process from soul family has been a crucial aspect for me in moving through all this and in keeping to move through ongoingly. And now not only to share within the circle of my beloveds but 'publicly' too, feels like, to template transparent and vulnerable leadership and serving women in this process too.

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That would be another antidote, I'm just feeling, to fully receive one part's truth, feel it fully with that part, totally receiving it in your heart and just feeling all the textures it comes with, without trying to have an answer or wanting to mitigate it somehow. Acknowledging where that part is, being ok with that and not feeling like it 'should' be in a place it's not. LET it BE TRUE.

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This does not mean that this 'issue' is healed now, that question is still not 'answered' and it feels like it‘s going to be an ongoing exploration. But I can feel some more air inside of myself now, a trust that has grown inside, a bit more Love moved in inside and more energy and clarity freed up about next choices and how to navigate them. Plus I feel more intimate with and connected to this part of me now that has been making life choices and navigation really difficult for me so far. I have gotten more intimate with myself today and this part, which then can express more on the outside as well.

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I offer 1:1 sessions in German and English. If you feel drawn to explore the possibility of working with me, I do offer a free intro call as well where we can talk about the process and how it may serve you and if it is the right time and approach for you.

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Love,

Bianca

SoulFullHeart Writer and Apprentice Facilitator For Women

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Prior to having a 1:1 session with me for €55 per 90 minutes, we highly recommend a free intro with me for women to explore the SoulFullHeart process and community to see if there is a deeper resonance there, where we will go in the session, etc. 

 

We also highly recommend taking in more about the SoulFullHeart process through sharings from SoulFullHeart Facilitators to get more sense of what we are offering and feel into your resonance and draw with it. You can watch the many videos on our SoulFullHeart YouTube Channel, and read writings on our blog, my social media pages on FB, and IG and books by Jelelle, especially her newest book Free To Be 5D: Navigating Ascension From The Inside Out.

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Experience of the SoulFullHeart paradigm and process is also offered through group events such as SoulFire men's group calls with Raphael; women's group calls with Jelelle and Kasha, and monthly group calls with Raphael and Jelelle.